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Hall of Tyrannus

a place to discuss and learn together what it means to bring the truth of Jesus Christ into a secular world by words and deeds

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Location: Central Asia or Kentucky--quite a range huh?
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  • Sunday, January 07, 2007

    It's the Little Things, Really

    If you have read this blog, you may have noticed that the location is Central Asia AND KY. Well, now we are back in Central Asia. This is a post about adjusting, living in another culture, etc. There may be more of these in the future.

    It is funny. I have only lived overseas for a total of six months or so. I am not yet fluent in the local language. But, it seems, from the time we decided to live and work overseas, a lot people suddenly considered me an expert on cross-cultural living and related topics. This was a strange thing. I was trying to figure things out, feeling stupid most of the time and others automatically assumed I sort of knew what was going on. Or at least they assumed my thoughts would be worth hearing. Once we had spent a few weeks and months here and I would get questions about living overseas (we are not talking about a huge amount of questions but just a few here and there) I would generally answer them the same way, at least initially. I would give the same advice that a dear friend and sort of mentor of mine gave me, I reword it something like this—“whatever you have to do in the US, you have to do overseas and things won’t be as convenient in doing it.” This is not profound to many ears. It is most certainly not spiritual to many ears. And to many ears, it is silly. That’s okay. Each day I am more convinced that this is a great starting place to think about living cross-culturally. Of course, the not convenient part will vary wildly from one place to another but still, this is a good place to start. Let me share one time I used this approach to share my “wisdom”.

    At our company’s summer conference we met a young couple. The lady was expecting fairly soon. They told us that they wanted to continue education and, after the baby was born, begin planning to teach overseas. The baby would likely be a few months old by that time. The young lady was doing the talking. Her husband would teach and she would decide what to do as time went on. At first she would devote herself to caring for the baby and keeping the home. Then, perhaps, other opportunities would arise. She was educated and could possibly teach. Then came the question—“So you guys went overseas with a baby (15-month-old). What is it like? What kind of advice would you have for us if we do it?” My wife shared a little with them and gave some good solid comments. Then it was to me. I said, “Just remember whatever sorts of things take up your time here, those same things will take up your time there.” Sort of blank stares. I went on, “If you have to change a diaper here, you have to change it there. If you have to be sleep deprived because of the baby’s schedule here, you will be sleep deprived there. Those things don’t suddenly change just because you are living overseas.” A little light crept in the blank stares and maybe they decided I wasn’t crazy. “That makes sense. That is good to think about,” she said.

    But, even though it makes me seem unspiritual and of little faith to many people, I will continue to offer this advice or conversation as a starting point and this is one reason why:

    A week ago we had no water in our apartment. The water stopped on a Wednesday. I asked around the building and I thought that the neighbors also had not water. Well, I had asked mainly kids and I was wrong. It not at all uncommon for the water to be off to the whole block for a few hours or a day and then come back on, so I was not surprised. We toughed it out a couple of days and used up our stored water. Then I started carrying water. Heating water for dishes, baths, etc. Being so careful to use all usable water for the toilet. It went on. Then on Saturday I found something out. It was not the whole building; it was four apartments, our apartment, the one above and the two below. A pipe was bent and full of sand needed to be cleaned. Oh. I should mention, at this point, that my wife had “encouraged” me investigate the matter further earlier in the week. She had “encouraged” me to try to get it fixed and ask more neighbors than I had asked. I didn’t. I was convinced that I had covered the bases and now we just had to tough it out.

    Now the story gets even more complicated, or amusing depending on your perspective. Saturday was December 30. This is the day before the New Year celebration which coincides with another huge cultural holiday, making it one of the biggest holidays of the year here. So on Saturday, there would be no one willing to work and on Sunday there would be no one sober enough to work and on Monday there would be no one awake enough to work. You get the picture. Because of me and my hesitance to do something, I had locked us into at least three more days without water.

    Since this is long already, let me back up further. All week, especially after the water dried up (that’s how they say it here) my wife and I had not been getting along well at all. We had argued about a lot things. We had not talked a lot. Now with the stress of giving two kids baths, doing laundry, cooking, etc. with no water we were really going at it. This brings us to Sunday night. Here we were five days without water, sitting at home while the city celebrates. We were watching fireworks out the window with our older daughter. Not talking much. Then something else unexpected happened. Our daughter threw up. Not a little. A lot. In fact, I am convinced it was as much as she could possibly have thrown up. It got on all her clothes, the couch, the floor, my wife, eventually a bath towel and some on me. So now we have a toddler covered in vomit, a towel covered in vomit, a living room to clean up and (you may be ahead of me here) no water and no easy way to do laundry. Okay, now what? Of course it was not the end of the world. We got our daughter undressed, washed her up with water that was warm no the stove and put her in her pajamas. We rinsed the clothes in the tap outside (it was near freezing at that time) and then heated some water and washed them by hand. We dealt with it. As an interesting side note, we got along very well during this little mini-crisis. Not one cross word. We handled it, by God’s grace.

    But away from the details and back to where I started. What sort of advice would prepare you for this? What sort things could someone have said to us to get us ready for this? What spiritual wisdom could be imparted to ease this time on the field? Well, nothing would have perfectly prepared us but my dear friends words were about as good as anyone could have done. It is the little things that get to you in the US that will get to you “there”. The things that are hard in the US are hard “there” and often much harder because of fewer conveniences, in this case, reliable water. If you fight with your spouse in the US, you will fight “there”. It will be the little things that add up and that will potentially accumulate to a breaking point.

    So talking about diapers or cleaning house or paying bills or going to the market will never seem spiritual to many people. It will never seem like something a bona fide “missionary” who has THE Call will worry about. But you should worry about it. Because the truth is that we are weak humans in the US and we are weak humans abroad. Jesus never promised to take away the weakness and make us super-followers on the field. He just promised to be with us always. So to anyone foolhardy enough to ask for my advice it remains the same. Maybe I would reword it once more—“the little things that expose your weakness and need for Jesus in the US will expose those things overseas. Whatever you struggle with in the US, you will likely struggle with overseas. It is the little things that will weigh on you. But Jesus isn’t ashamed on your weakness. He came in weakness for us men and our salvation. He welcomes the weak and uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. Most importantly, he did promise to be with us until the end of the age.” Not too spiritual or wise, I know, but that is the advice I am sticking to for now.

    4 Comments:

    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    BKC,

    Sorry to hear about your water situation. I hear what you're saying about, "wherever you go, you take yourself with you." I think that it is somewhat human nature to think that the 'next thing' is the key to our becoming happy. It may be missions, marriage, children, new job, exercise, ect...That said, I also think that there is a romanticizing of foreign missions that is peculiar to the church. Maybe the reason that we see missionaries as more mature and sage-like is for the very reasons you stated...whatever adversity is at home you have to deal with it in the field, only with a little inconvenience heaped on the top. We are forced to be refined or die quickly. Just a thought....Thanks for sharing (it blessed me), and I'll hope and pray that your new year brings many blessings...and lots of hot running water!

    January 09, 2007 5:35 AM  
    Blogger BKC said...

    I think you are on the right track with your comment. Oh, I should have mentioned that the water did get fixed two after the little incident I described and is working well.

    January 09, 2007 5:16 PM  
    Blogger Strider said...

    My boss says that exotic places always are until you get there. Good word on our struggles- it helps us as we minister in our weakness.
    And if you need anything give us a call. We get water from two different sources.

    January 17, 2007 4:40 AM  
    Blogger BKC said...

    Thanks Strider, for the comment and the offer to help. I really do appreciate it. We may take you up it sooner than you hope :)

    January 17, 2007 6:35 AM  

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